PART 1 of 21
“It’s crazy how the tables can turn so fast,” I mutter under my breath, shaking my head ever so slightly.
I’m standing in the bathroom mirror now…reminiscing about my #ménages...
When KeLLy & I finally broke it off for the last time…it was awkward.
We grew apart, things just….changed. The both of us were holding onto what we had and refusing to let go….you know how Usher said ‘let it burn’? That shit is easier said than done. KeLLy was my heart and soul…and for a while we were the best of friends. Even with all the cheating I was doing on the side. See for me, late in our relationship…the cheating had become an addiction.
A habit I couldn’t break…I had gotten so used to the idea of having hoes on the side and having what I deemed as necessary fun, that I had reached a point where it had no negative effects on my relationship at home with Kells.
I know that’s hard to believe but lemme explain…
See….the night of KeLLy’s Revenge was profound for me - I mean - I know I keep going back to that, but that night was so profound in the sense that Kelly gave me reasons why she was getting her creep on.
Those words she said that night never left my head & I took real heed to them:
"I love the way you USED to treat me…”
"You used to make me feel like nothing else mattered. You used to just be so sweet to me…”
“It’s not the same Rodney, it hasn’t been the same all semester. You used to leave me little love notes all over the place…all the time - that used to just make my day! The poems you used to write me. How you would surprise me with dinner…surprise deliveries. Every other day….every other week….you used to make me feel so special Rodney.”
"When’s the last time you gave me a massage? Or a foot rub?”
"You know how I feel about you Rodney! How I break my fucking neck and back to make sure you’re happy and taken care of!”
“...you know I like to feel special, appreciated. And you know better than anybody how to make me feel like that….you know ME Rodney. So why don’t you? Why let me feel unappreciated lately? You ever stop to think about WHY I would be doing all this?”
All of that shit she yelled at me that night made perfect sense.
It was essentially one of the 1st rules to keep in mind in the Art of Cheating -
YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HOME.
And with KeLLy…before her revenge….I had lost touch with home & gotten sloppy. It’d be the same with any other habit besides cheating - think of your worst habit or group of habits for that
matter. If you find yourself at the point where your habits are causing stress & drama at home, it’s time to get a better hold on ya habits.
KeLLy and I got back together a few weeks after shit hit the fan with #theHooKup with Tianna. That Tianna situation sparked 2 things in me - the birth of my sexual beast…..and the guilt that came along with it.
The guilt that should have come along with it all…all along.
That guilt was my key to becoming a better man at home for KeLLy, and it made me take her back. But it also made me confess about my affair with Cookie. I broke a cardinal rule in the Art of Cheating - I gave myself up when I didn’t have to.
Or did I have to?
See I just had so many questions, which meant I was still learning lessons.
But the guilt???
That guilt was a muhfucka….a whole other new monster to deal with.
At any rate…I told KeLLy about Cookie to even the playing field…and we vowed to start over ‘fresh’ & move forward.
I guess I curved the guilt by covering my cheating like never before, and making better decisions in tune with the Art. I put Cookie on #ignoreStatus. Major move, considering that my relationship with Cookie was the only side fling I had with longevity….those are the ones that pose the most risk. Cookie & I had a strong sexual relationship before then, but we had been involved on the side for so long that we had grown on each other in nonsexual ways - this was always dangerous. So in an effort to cut down and try to be a better man for KeLLy at home - I cut Cookie off completely.
Now when I cut Cookie off, not only did I give up my most trusted side bitch……I also gave up my #1 ranked partner on my #fuckCount list. Cookie was a natural sexual beast, a real nympho in every sense of the word. Our sexual chemistry was crazy….and she fucked me better than anyone before or even after her at this point, including KeLLy.
Yet and still, before I fucked Tianna, my sexual beast hadn’t been fully released.
Tianna was the bounce-back bitch during my break from Kelly…and she helped unleash a beast I never knew existed…a beast that would be much more of a problem to deal with than the #guiltBeast.
For maybe the first time in a reeeeally long time....I was getting to know myself better sexually, and learning just who this new #beast was raging inside of me.
That #sexualBeast is the topic of tonight’s episode…
And tonight, we have much to break down. This episode is more than just an episode, this is like a season finale. Tonight we dive deep. Deep into the origins of the beast that
drew me away from my Kelly...and deep into the story of the woman who helped train, and feed, and nurture #theBeast...
Let’s call her Sashé.
Oh yeah - you all have met Sashé before.
Now pay attention here so u don't get confused.
Sashé & Shay - is the same person, ok?
Stay with me...
Sashé - or Shay as I would call her at times - became a problem for me almost instantly from the night we met, and I had been doing so good with my new strategy at home with KeLLy. No Cookie, no Tianna…and very few episodes of cheating in general….THIS is where I was when I 1st crossed paths with Sashé. We met about a year and a half after #theHooKup with Tianna...a few months after #Sassy ... and well, like I said - things happened so quickly & differently that I never even had a chance to prepare for how shit would end up.
So picture me now - at the point where I’d started to manage my cheating in a way that was healthy for my relationship at home. No more complaints from KeLLy or missing romance….whenever I stepped out on her, I stepped back in even stronger than before. If I made a bitch cum outside my home, I made KeLLy cum twice and she got gifts & poems shortly thereafter. KeLLy was my Queen, and all these other randoms were just supplemental entertainment. If KeLLy and I got into a fight, I would take my frustrations out on some side pussy…and come back to Kells with apologies, taking the blame for our argument regardless of fault. Cheating had become the best therapy….and I was taking full advantage of the system like a regular at the VA hospital.
It was a challenge but I lived for that shit back then. That rush...the pressure of finding the perfect balance & not getting caught - it's when I was at my best. Even with all the new experiences & episodes '05 brought - switching to a higher paid job, helping launch the DymeWear clothing line, and even playing around with music now that Jaz had a building to run his studio out of - I still managed to keep a fairly good hold on all the intriguing extra opportunities...
And then there was Sashé.
It’s hard to find the words to even describe Sashé, that's another thing holding me up in getting on with this story.
To truly paint the picture of Shay with words is mind-boggling to say the least.
...so innocent & youthful in the face, but glowing……beaming with both mischief & curiosity. She was lighter than KeLLy - I mean Kells was the darkest chick I’d ever fucked with, and dark
was my type. But Sashé was more peanut-butter brown…and I mean, I’ve fucked with chicks of all colors and shades, but strangely Sashé’s shade seemed new to me at the time,
at least in how I was drawn to it. It’s some weird shit - but there’s this certain automatic level of attraction I have for a chick if her skin is dark. Sashé was nowhere near KeLLy’s
darkness…yet I was equally as attracted to Sashé's shade. Was it that ‘glow’? Hard to tell, but it was something…. Sashé was fucking gorgeous, even by her skin tone alone.
Her body was perfect for modeling…and she'd already made a name for herself with some internet shots, but I didn't think she was that video vixen or internet bullshit material - this girl was made for magazines. Not tall like the runway models, Shay was 5’6” and maybe 120 lbs. Most of it was in her tits…the bitch was carrying 36 DDDs on a small frame - she reminded me of Roger Rabbit’s bitch the way she stood. She was one of few chicks I couldn’t compare to a porn star right off - they didn’t have hoes this pretty in porn - she was like a Melyssa Ford…or….Esther Baxter. Yeah Esther…that’s really who she reminded me of - that cleavage and them big ass eyes. Sashé was so fucking stacked.
Her ass was average - nothing like KeLLy’s dunk or Cookie’s fatty….but she didn’t need that thicky thick hood look that I was used to - in fact Sashé was the complete opposite of hood. This girl was as bubbly as it gets - but her squareness surprisingly drew me in just the same. She talked like a white girl, and didn’t wear weave. I mean, even Kells wore micros sometimes…but Sashé wouldn’t even do that. She was quite different from what I was used to before…just in general… Sashé was…..different.
And she caught me at the right time.
Shortly after we met….and I’m talking maybe a week at best after I met Sashé, KeLLy and I had a huge fight during another huge fight I was having with my nigga Tre. Crazy shit - but in the end, Kells & I took a turn for the worse….and the eventual end.
Now at the time, after the fight or whatever….we stayed together - Kells and I. But shit wasn’t the same. We kept fighting, days later…all of a sudden, things were all being thrown on the table between us…and buried feelings were finally coming out.
KELLY: “I don’t know what the hell you could be talking about when you say that Rodney! You a damned lie if you tryna say I haven’t been keeping you fucked boy - I been kissing you more and everything so don’t even go there!”
ME: “Ok yeah, I’ll give you that - but that’s not what I’m talking about!”
KELLY: “Well what the hell you talking abou…"
ME: “I’m talking about the other shit I been trying to do too!
Shit…you won’t even let me call you a ‘bitch’ when we fucking!”
KELLY: “You know how I feel about that word!
Nigga what’s wrong with having sex without you disrespecting me?!?!”
ME: “It’s not about me disrespecting you…it’s about letting loose and throwing it all out the window when we in that moment! I’m not saying it in a disrespectful way…you just don’t fucking get it!”
KELLY: “Well maybe I don’t get it…that’s how niggaz talk to 'hoes' when they get fucked, you got me messed up.”
ME: “But you not my hoe though…”
KELLY: “So why you wanna talk to me like one? Why you wanna treat me like some porn star or some shit? Who the hell was you fucking when we was broke up that got you on all this kinky, crazy shit?”
ME: “Maaaaan……kinky, crazy shit like what KeLLy? Is it really too much to ask? Who else am I supposed to express myself with sexually if it’s not you?”
KELLY: “Ok, but I’m saying!!! You wanna call me a ‘bitch’….you wanna choke me out - I let you pull my hair….but then you wanna go overboard!!! You fucking bit me that night - you start getting on this rough shit and I’m just supposed to adjust?? You didn’t used to do it to me like that Rodney…”
ME: “Whatever man…”
KELLY: “Yeah so now it’s just ‘whatever’? No - f’ that - I’m asking a question - you saying I’m supposed to just change what I’m into to fit what you wanna experiment with?? Is that what you saying??”
ME: “No. I mean…man I don’t know. Am I supposed to keep my fantasies to myself?”
KELLY: “No - but I mean come on now Rodney. You wanna bring another bitch in!
Like what the fuck?!?! I’m not gay…I don’t even like girls - so am I supposed to just say ‘oh ok - sure, I’ll be gay for you’?? Can I bring another nigga in…???”
ME: “Don’t fucking play with me. And that aint even what you into…so you just trying to be funny.”
KELLY: “Ok, whatever - but that’s my point!”
ME: “So what is your point?!?! Just like how you never had your toes sucked - and now I’m doing that - why can’t you try something new just to please me???”
KELLY: “Cuz I don’t like girls. That’s different, you’re being extra…”
ME: “But it’s for me! What if she just messed with me? Like - you don’t have to touch her…”
KELLY: “What fun is that??? What’s the point? Plus no….cuz I’ma get mad if she all up on you. No…I can’t do it…I just can’t…”
ME: “But you have nothing to be jealous of…you’re my girl. I’m going home with you. I’ll be all up on you the whole time too…”
KELLY: “Yeah but you don’t know that…..how am I supposed to know how you gonna act if it went down. What if you like her better than me? I mean, who are we even talking about here?”