Growth is too often confused with change. Learn to believe that people don't
change...or never learn to accept them for who they truly are....
Good evening & Happy Late Tuesday to all my admitted cheaters and those still in denial! We're almost halfway through
the week already - it'll be Friday before we realize it!!!
Well not really....but....you know what I mean...
Denial is a trip. I mean...in a lot of ways, living in denial can be a good thing - especially in this facade driven society we live in. But far too often...we find ourselves on the other side of the fence, paying big time for the choices we make under false impressions or expectations.
So I've been finding myself in this age-old debate a lot here recently...and I figured it's time to officially give it a #HoLLyBlog entry. Today's topic is about the concept of change in a person. Simply put - people don't change.
Now before you start going into cardiac arrest, hear me out. It's a tough pill to swallow, but it all makes sense when you think about it.
You will always be who you are meant to be. Life begins as a steady transition...a process of growth that entails getting to know
the person you will become. We all go through early development stages...those stages include building of character to last us a lifetime. Your character traits are yours forever,
regardless of how long it takes to for you to actually realize just what those traits truly are.
Traits are too often confused with habits. Habits are those seemingly automatic routines you find yourself doing for a period of time...while character traits make up the core of what & who you are. You develop your habits when your traits become mixed with circumstances. While habits & circumstances can & will change throughout the years, we must understand that our traits do not.
Let's take the habit of stealing versus the character trait of being a thief.
Some will say that stealing and being a thief are one & the same, but one is a habit while the other is considered a trait. The bad habit of stealing is not always necessarily caused by that thief trait - there are a number of character traits that can lead to stealing. Think about the survivor characteristic trait, and the person who - under certain circumstances - steals to survive. Or even better...being a follower is another common character trait that could lead to a nasty habit like stealing, especially at a young age.
As circumstances change, so can habits. Learning who you are and going through transitional stages of awareness help in identifying the true causes of these bad habits. Once you become more aware of self, you then become more mindful about your own character traits...and at this point managing bad habits should become easier since their root cause is identified.
Whether you are stealing because you are a follower, survivor, or simply a thief is something you learn through getting to know yourself.
Learning who you are takes time, and though we never truly stop growing....we don't go through drastic growth 'changes' all of our lives. At some point in early adulthood...you've learned enough about who you are to make better decisions, and not let your weaker traits dominate your habits.
None of that means you actually changed as a person. In the event that you find yourself making better decisions or controlling & eliminating old habits...it simply means you've grown into your own skin, and gotten to know your own character.
You are who you are.
Think about some of the 'changes' you've gone through over the years. You'll realize you've only changed habits...deep down inside, you're still the same person you've always been.
All character traits aren't bad...but they definitely aren't all good either - none of us are perfect. To understand this about ourselves as people is the key to understanding each other better. You are who you are...and you can only be who you are meant to be. The same is true for others, and especially those we care about.
It's easy to live in denial, or a state of optimism about the people we love, believing that they will one day magically change for the better. But the harsh reality is, people do not change because their character forever remains the same.
Habits can be changed, but will always be influenced according to circumstance & character traits.
The person that loves you must learn & accept your character and become that circumstance for you. They must realize that your weaker traits are there to stay, and can resurface at any time. If they've been with you long enough, they've gotten to know the difference between your traits & habits, and helped you outgrow some things along the way. And if you've truly figured out who you are, you'll find it much easier to help others deal with your flaws and be loved for them.
Embrace who you are - as is - and with the same understanding as you embrace others in your world. Thinking that someone
can change you or vice-versa is nothing more than another shortcut to Disappointment Avenue. Continue to reflect on how much you yourself have grown over time...and then you'll realize just how
little you've actually changed. Deep down inside...underneath all the layers - you're still the same ole you...
This is #SCIENCE...
I know - I know - I know...I'm on it - seriously! It's just been a busy month & a half - which is never a bad thing!
I'll make up for the wait...this I can guarantee!! I appreciate the patience and ongoing support...we've come a long way, but there's a lot more to come!
As always....I hope everyone has a great week, thanks for
reading...and leave comments below the blogs & episodes!!! Stay mindful!!!